


A Practical Guide to Hobbitling Raising

by Liliume



Series: The Time-Traveling Hobbits [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-17 20:49:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liliume/pseuds/Liliume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Outtakes and side stories, all taking place during "The Tale of Two Time-Traveling Hobbits". Following the adventures of a wee baby Frodo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gift

There was a reason, thought Bilbo, that Frodo always expected gifts from everyone. It was a fairly good reason, although Bilbo would prefer it differently. He would prefer it, actually, that Frodo did not expect gifts at all. Such expectations were, well . . . selfish . . . and if there was one thing that Frodo was not, it was selfish.

Bilbo blamed Hamfast Gamgee. The fifteen year old son of Hobson Gamgee and the future father of Samwise Gamgee.

Hamfast, like his future son, was very fond of Frodo. There was not a day went by that Hamfast did not stop over at Bag End to check in on the hobbitling and always he carried something with him; a flower, a book, a cookie.

Truthfully, Bilbo also blamed himself. He had not thought anything of Hamfast's many gifts. They were small, after all. It wasn't as though the young hobbit was giving Frodo grand gifts or expensive gifts. So Bilbo did not think much of it until the first time Hamfast arrived with empty hands.

“Uh, Mister Bilbo?” came Hamfast's hesitant question from the parlor. Bilbo, who had been washing dishes in the kitchen, ventured out, worried. “Frodo's making strange signs with his hands. Is he trying to say something to me?”

Bilbo blinked and observed Frodo, who was quite vehemently trying to get his point across. Both little hands out in front of him with one index finger out but curled in. He was hampered by the fact that he had no index finger on his other hand as the sign he was trying to make required two index fingers.

“What does he say?” Hamfast asked.

“Er . . .” Bilbo blinked again and cleared his throat, confused. “Gift. He says 'gift'.”

Perhaps he should have discouraged Hamfast from bringing Frodo gifts each time he visited, Bilbo wondered distantly. Hamfast, poor Hamfast, was apologizing profusely as he did not have anything on him that would serve as a gift for Frodo.

The hobbitling, however, was not pleased. He pouted, hugged his stomach, and glared quite petulantly. He was unforgiving at the lack of gift and Bilbo tried to say something, hand out, as Hamfast ran out of the house. The young hobbit yelling about returning soon with something that would please Frodo.

Yes, he really should have discouraged the gift giving, thought Bilbo sheepishly as he observed Frodo staring at the door expectantly. But really, it was only Hamfast, so what harm could it do? Certainly Frodo wasn't going to start demanding gifts of everyone who visited. Certainly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Frodo decides to sneak into a dwarf's bag and go on an adventure!


	2. Adventure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this one to [growl_meow](http://archiveofourown.org/users/growl_meow/). Yes? C:

Frodo was not pleased. Not at all, in fact. His big blue eyes full of tears and his heart full of sadness. Why, you wonder? Because the dwarves were leaving! They were leaving little Frodo and his Papa to go on an adventure. But they weren't supposed to leave, they had to stay!

“Do not be selfish,” said Mister Nibbles.

Frodo wasn't a fish! Mister Nibbles didn't know what he was talking about!

“You can't go around hitting people,” said Mister Nibbles.

Well, Frodo hadn't meant to hit! He knew he wasn't supposed to hit people. It wasn't nice, said Papa.

“You were very naughty,” said Mister Nibbles.

Frodo sighed. Mister Nibbles had no _hobbit-sense_. Papa said hobbit-sense was very important, after all. Although Frodo wasn't sure why. Maybe only hobbits had hobbit-sense? What _was_ hobbit-sense?

Maybe the dwarves would know! Thought Frodo excitedly, but then he remembered that the dwarves were leaving. Why couldn't Frodo and Papa go with them?

“Ah!” Frodo cried out, surprised. He _could_ go with them! Why couldn't he?

“Frodo-” began Mister Nibbles.

But the hobbitling would not listen to him, leaving the stuffed rabbit abandoned under the bed as he crawled out, determined and excited. He was going on an adventure! Just like in Papa's stories!

He crawled down the hallway to the parlor, where the dwarves had stacked their bags. His little hobbit ears could hear his Papa talking to someone in the other room. He hurried to one of the bags which had been left open and peaked in. It was very big!

He was about to turn to look at the other bags but something caught his eye. There was something shiny in the bag! It looked very pretty to Frodo, who tried to reach for it but could not. He was much too small! Well, he couldn't wait around to grow bigger. Papa said it would take a while before he was Papa-size!

With a grunt he pushed himself into the bag and with a wiggle he finally managed to grasp the shiny thing. It was round and it didn't taste good.

Frodo stuck his tongue out, displeased, and threw the shiny thing as far as he could. As he was inside the bag, it wasn't very far at all.

Before he could even think of wiggling out of the bag there was a blanket thrown over him, covering his face. Frodo blinked at the material that was suddenly covering him, unaware that the bag he was residing in was being lifted up by Dwalin, who failed to notice the hobbitling waving at him merrily.

The dwarf closed his bag without looking at it and Frodo was quite disgruntled but allowed the matter to pass. He reached around and removed Mister Thor from where he had stuck him in his diaper.

“Don't ever stick me in there again,” pleaded Mister Thor.

Frodo shrugged, as he didn't understand. He happily told Mister Thor that they were going on an _adventure_!

Mister Thor sighed, “I just know I'm going to get the blame for this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The saddlebag that Dwalin uses is about 12” x 12”, so Frodo is no taller than one foot. While that's certainly small for an 8 month old Man baby, if Bilbo is 3 feet tall, then one foot for an 8 month old Hobbit is not unbelievable. In fact, I was thinking that Frodo would be smaller than even that but didn't want to push my luck. :|
> 
> Mister Nibbles a.k.a. [Manwë, King of the Valar](http://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Manw%C3%AB)  
> Mister Thor a.k.a. [Tulkas, Champion of the Valar](http://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Tulkas)
> 
> Next up: Frodo meets some ponies, who take good care of him. As much as they are able, at least.


	3. Pony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter of main story will not be up for a while because the file apparently got corrupted. After raging for a good while, I've decided to stop raging and just write it all over. Thankfully, I had part of it written down in my notebook, so I should remember (I hope) how it goes. Have some Frodo to tide you over for now.

Frodo was peaking out of the bag he'd found himself in. He was a little frightened because he was really high up! There was also a strange creature whose head was only thing he could see. The creature was brown and had a really, _really_ long face. It had big eyes and two big holes and a big mouth, too. Its ears were pointy and it had long hair.

Frodo brought up Mister Thor to examine him closely. Mister Thor looked a little like the strange creature outside! But Mister Thor was very little. Maybe he wasn't a Mister at all! Frodo thought that Mister Thor was very little because he was a baby! Baby Thor.

“That's just silly, Fro-Fro,” Mister Thor said. “I am not a baby. I am simply hobbit-sized.”

That made more hobbit-sense – whatever that was –! But what was that strange creature if not Mister Thor's Papa? Like Mister Bilbo was Frodo's Papa. Hammyfast called Frodo's Papa “Mister Bilbo”.

“That, my dear, is a pony,” Mister Thor explained. “A female pony.”

What was feemail? Frodo wondered. Was it food? Could Frodo eat it? Because Frodo was getting very hungry now. Mister Dwalin hadn't even given Frodo enough time to grab some cookies!

Suddenly there was a big face right in front of Frodo. Frodo was really scared! He moved back as far as he could and stared at the strange creature that was trying to eat him.

“She's not going to eat you, silly,” said Mister Thor. “She's just curious about Fro-Fro. She's saying hallo. Can you say 'hallo' back to her?”

Frodo shook his head. He didn't want to say 'hallo' to the strange creature! The strange creature had a really big mouth and could eat Frodo in one bite! Papa said you weren't supposed to eat in one bite! You might _choke_!

Once Frodo had tried to eat a really big cookie but it wouldn't fit in his mouth! Then his throat had hurt and there was no air in his nose. Papa had been really worried! So Frodo knew now that he had to take little bites or else Papa would be worried.

The strange creature disappeared and Frodo was just starting to relax again when it reappeared. Frodo was frightened but only for a little bit because then there was an apple in the bag. The strange creature had given him an apple!

Frodo didn't like apples a lot but he was _so_ hungry! So he grabbed the apple and started biting it. Small bites!

The strange creature was sniffing at the bag and Frodo decided that it wasn't a strange creature at all! It was a _nice_ creature! So he stuck his little hand out and pat the big face. He wondered where Mister Dwalin and the dwarves had gone. Where they hiding?

“They are simply taking a short break now, little one,” Mister Thor said. “Perhaps you could keep sticking your hand out or start making noise so that someone might notice you?”

Frodo didn't know what Mister Thor was talking about. If he stuck his hand out then a _strange_ creature would _bite it off_! That wasn't nice! Nope, nope, Frodo was going to take a nap instead. He was getting very tired now.

And so Frodo took a nap. Little hands grasping his apple to his chest.

“That's just wonderful, Fro-Fro. Don't tell anyone I didn't try to stop you from going on an adventure, all right?” Mister Thor asked.

A little snore was his only answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Frodo wakes from his healing sleep and goes in search of cookies. Because he's hungry, you know!
> 
> If you have any requests about what you'd like to see next, then just ask. C:


	4. Cookies

Frodo woke with a stretch of his body and a yawn. He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling for a bit before becoming aware of the person lying at his side. It was his Papa!

Papa was sleeping, Frodo noticed. He grasped his chin with his hand and hummed thoughtfully. He was very hungry but he didn't want to wake his Papa. Papa looked very tired!

Suddenly Frodo caught sight of something strange lying by his head. It was a toy!

Frodo peered closely at it, squeezing the round head and the arms and the legs and the belly. The toy was very squishy! Like Mister Nibbles.

Where was Mister Nibbles? Frodo wondered. He asked the squishy toy if she knew where Mister Nibbles was. Mister Nibbles was a white rabbit but sometimes he was a king. A really tall one with old people hair.

"Oh-oh," Frodo said. The squishy toy didn't have a mouth! Maybe that was why she wasn't answering his questions? Although some people didn't answer Frodo's questions either and they _had_ mouths! But squishy doll didn't have lots of things. Like hair, or eyes, or even ears!

Frodo touched his own ears. Could the squishy doll not hear him without ears?

Just then there was a strange growling noise. Frodo was very scared! He quickly hid under the covers and snuggled close to his Papa.

Papa will protect us! he assured the squishy doll.

But the growly noise sounded again and Frodo realized it was coming from inside his belly!

He poked at it, giggling when it tickled. Was there a monster hiding inside his belly?

He grew bored of poking soon enough, sneaking out from beneath the covers to hover over his Papa's face.

Frodo was very hungry. He wondered when Papa was going to wake up.

Maybe he could find some food all by himself?

He gasped. Maybe he could find the dwarves too! They were probably hiding again!

Frodo clapped his hands excitedly. He liked playing hiding games!

"Papapapa," he gurgled, peering down at his Papa's face and then giving him a big kiss on his cheek.

With that done Frodo crawled to the edge of the bed, turning around and sliding down the blanket on his belly. He landed on his feet and quickly fell on his bottom.

He noticed the squishy doll leaning over the side of the bed.

Come down! He said to her. I'll catch you!

He giggled when the squishy doll slid down the bed and into his waiting arms. Grasping her by the hand as he crawled to the door.

Frodo had never seen such a big door before. But since it wasn't very interesting he continued through it. Stopping just outside to look both ways he did not see anyone.

Which way should we go? he asked the squishy doll. She didn't say anything of course, because she didn't have a mouth. So Frodo chose a way by himself and began crawling determinedly. He paused to take a break at the end of the hall, looking down the length of another hallway.

"Dorf!" he called, waiting patiently to see if anyone heard him. He huffed when no one answered him and continued crawling until he reached another hallway. "FeeKee!"

Where were Fili and Kili? Frodo wondered. He hoped they hadn't left while he was taking a nap! That wasn't very nice. They hadn't even said goodbye!

As he continued crawling he noticed an open doorway. Curiously he peaked inside, discovering a group of tall shiny people. They were sitting by the big fire and talking.

Papa said Frodo wasn't supposed to go near the big fire because he'd get an ouch! The big fire was too hot and Frodo didn't like it. He was about to turn away when he noticed something on the table by one of the tall people.

Cookies!

Frodo asked the squishy doll if she thought the tall people would share the cookies. He was very hungry and cookies were yummy.

She didn't answer of course, because she didn't have a mouth. Frodo furrowed his eyebrows and thought, chin in the palm of his hand. Maybe after getting some cookies they could find a mouth?

That was a good idea! Frodo nodded to himself. He had lots of hobbit-sense! He would tell Papa when he woke up. Papa would be happy that Frodo had hobbit-sense because he was always complaining that no one did!

Frodo crawled to the table, gazing up curiously at the tall people. They were very shiny and big.

He reached up to grab some cookies but he was too small! He huffed angrily and sat down, looking to the side curiously when the squishy doll poked him. He grabbed her, pushed to his knees and held her up.

He was startled when a blanket fell on his head but made sure the doll was back on the ground safely before reaching up to pull it off. It was a very strange blanket; round and with holes. It looked like Papa's blankets that he wasn't supposed to play with.

Dollies, Frodo remembered. Papa called them dollies, even though they didn't look like dolls. They didn't even have heads!

He noticed the plate of cookies that squishy doll was holding and bounced excitedly. He placed the dolly-blanket on the ground and began putting cookies on top until there were none left on the plate. He then grasped squishy doll and placed her on top of the cookie pile. Making sure she wouldn't fall off, he grabbed an edge of the dolly-blanket and crawled out of the room.

"Where did the plate of cookies go?" one of the tall people asked. But Frodo was already outside in the hallway and continued on his way, much happier than before.

He continued on until he reached the large open doors, peaking inside to discover that his Papa was still sleeping on the bed. He crawled to the side of the bed and began throwing cookies up until they were all gone. He then helped squishy doll back on the bed, pulling himself to his feet with a grunt.

He grasped squishy doll's hand as she lent over the edge and allowed her to help him up. Once he was on the bed he began pushing the pile of cookies further up so he could lie under the blanket.

Frodo happily nibbled at the cookies, holding one out for squishy doll before remembering that she didn't have a mouth!

"Oh-oh!" he had forgotten to find a mouth for squishy doll! Now what were they going to do?

Frodo tried to think of another idea. He had good hobbit-sense after all! But his eyes were sleepy and soon enough he had fallen back asleep with a partially eaten cookie still held in his hand.


	5. Uncertain Future

Bilbo heard the shouts and screams a hall away and hurried ahead of Balin, who had been kind enough to inform him of what was happening.

The guards standing on either side of the door were tense, their survival instincts telling them to flee. Their tension eased marginally as Bilbo approached the door, opening it wide enough to sneak inside.

Generally speaking, Frodo was a calm, serene person. Rarely did he get angry but when he did, it was a quiet sort of anger. Something that simmered beneath the skin until it exploded into rage.

Frodo had the patience of a saint, especially in regards to Thorin. Accustomed as he was to his Adad's idiosyncrasies.

So Bilbo was rightfully shocked and dismayed to come upon the two of them screaming at each other. It was surreal and he could only stand back, trying to ascertain why they were arguing in the first place.

"I can't believe you!" Frodo shouted.

"There is nothing wrong—"

"How can you even say—"

"It's for your own good—"

"You have no right—"

"I have all the right—"

"ENOUGH!" Bilbo exploded, frustrated beyond belief. He took several deep breaths, pointing to either side of the room. He waited until Frodo was on one side and Thorin on the other. "Someone please explain."

Both Thorin and Frodo stubbornly held their silence. Bilbo waited patiently for one of them to break. Expecting Thorin to be the one, he was duly surprised that it was not so.

"I can't believe you're trying to marry me off to cousin Thorin!" Frodo cried, his disbelief and disappointment clear.

"Hold on, hold on," Bilbo ordered, turning to face a flushed King under the Mountain. "You're what?"

"It is a good match," Thorin defended.

"It's strange!" Frodo shouted. Bilbo gestured for him to elaborate. "I'm not marrying someone who has the same name as my Father! Do you not understand how _strange_ that is?"

Thorin faltered, eyebrows furrowing in thought. "I suppose I did not think it through."

"Rightly so," Frodo grumbled.

Bilbo breathed a little easier as the two reconciled. Laughing over the silliness of the argument and Thorin's poor attempt at matchmaking.

"Perhaps Gimli instead," Thorin suggested after a moment of tranquil silence.

Bilbo sighed as redness spread over Frodo's neck, over his face, and to the tips of his ears.

"I'm not marrying cousin Gimli! Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!"


End file.
